


I feel safe in the 5am light

by Ineedadrinkorsleep



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Canon Disabled Character, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:06:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27127639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ineedadrinkorsleep/pseuds/Ineedadrinkorsleep
Summary: Non sexual intimacy between Kaz and Inej. These two are so soft for each other. Also I may be manifesting.
Relationships: Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa
Comments: 2
Kudos: 101





	I feel safe in the 5am light

**Author's Note:**

> Ok this is my first Six of crows fanfic ever so idk if the characterization is right. Hopefully. Kaz is alergic to his emotions and it's so frustrating but it's obvious that he loves Inej.

Inej had arrived in Ketterdam a little earlier then was previously scheduled. The weather had been better than she had hoped for and now her ship, The Wraith was docked in Ketterdam harbor and her crew was exploring the barrel. The plan was to stay in Ketterdam for a week to stock up on supplies and give her crew some recreational time. 

"Go on. Enjoy yourselves" she had told them. "Just keep away from the pleasure houses, and if you run into any trouble find someone with a cup and crow tattoo. Tell them you are a crewmate of The Wrath and they will help you." 

That had been approximately 2 and a half bells ago. Inej had gone to visit the slat, traveling from rooftop to rooftop gracefully, blending into the night. She had thought about visiting Jesper and Wylan first but if she was being perfectly honest with herself, she was anxious to see Kaz. 

It had been months since she had last seen any of them. Nina was still in Ravka and Inej hadn't heard word from her. But Inej wasn't worried, she knew that Nina could take care of herself. Especially with her new found power. 

As Inej finally reached the slat, it had began to rain, soaking her dark brown hair so that it was heavy and dripping with water. Thankfully the clothes she wore were water proof so she hadn't been soaked all the way through. Inej carefully braced herself against the windowsill, being mindful of the slipperiness as she got the window open. She tried her best not to let that much rain in but it was almost impossible. Now there were puddles on Kaz's bedroom floor that were only getting worse from her dripping braid and clothing. 

Great. Kaz was going to kill her. 

It wasn't the first time she had thought this. However she usually didn't take it very seriously. Despite Kaz's cruel nature. Despite all of his threats and blundering, deep down Inej always knew that she was safe with him. 

Dirty hands. The bastard of the barrel. 

Kaz Brekker didn't need a reason is what everyone always said. But that wasn't quite true. Kaz always had a reason for doing everything. It was all about crafting the perfect image to make sure that he couldn't be hurt. Couldn't be touched, both physically and emotionally. 

Inej supposed that she should be somewhat proud of herself, that she had pierced that hard exterior even a little. But she didn't want to render him completely defenceless in the barrel. He needed his tenacity and his cruelty to be Kaz Brekker. To be the leader of the dregs, to be feared and obeyed. 

Perhaps it was better for her to be so far away most of the time. But she couldn't help it. She missed him.

Inej frantically made her way to the bathroom to grab towels to clean up the mess on the floor. The slat wasn't exactly a luxury hotel of any kind, but it was decent and intact. Inej intended to keep it that way. As she wiped up the water, her eyes began to survey around Kaz's bedroom taking in the details. It wasn't that different from how it was before. However, Inej noticed there was a new jacket hanging by the door. 

Inej finished mopping and hung out the wet towel to dry in the bathroom. At this point it occured to her that she had no idea what time Kaz was returning to the slat and she could be waiting for hours. Inej hadn't exactly thought this through. She sat on Kaz's bed feeling her exhaustion seep in.

She hadn't exactly been getting much sleep lately. Inej found herself walking over to the desk in the corner of the room which had all kinds of papers and documents scattered over it. Kaz had an office downstairs of course, but she supposed their were certain things he wanted to keep in his bedroom instead. Also it would save him the trip downstairs. 

She found herself staring at Kaz's writing and being comforted by the familiarity of it. Inej smiled softly. When she had introduced Kaz to her parents, he had been almost a completely different person, very similar to how he was with Jesper's father. Later on when Kaz had needed to leave, her father told her that Kaz seemed like a "very nice young man" and Inej had just barely stopped herself from laughing.

Well she supposed he could be, at times. Kaz Brekker could be a lot of things if the situation called for it. A murder. A criminal. A thief. Cold and cruel. Considerate and thoughtful. Protective. Brave. Ruthless. Scared. Insecure. Brilliant. 

Mostly Kaz was just Kaz. He could be walking over hot coals for her one moment, then criticizing her the next. 

Then suddenly, almost as if he had sensed her presence, the door flew open and Inej spun around to meet the eyes of a bloody and bruised Kaz. He stared at her with a relatively blank expression. 

"Poking through my things Wraith?" He asked sourly. He was leaning more heavily against his cane then usual, breathing heavily. 

Inej smiled at him. "I was getting bored waiting for you. I promise I haven't touched anything." Inej wouldn't ask him if he was alright. There was no point, he would just lie to her anyways. Kaz limped slightly over to his bed, his crow headed cane making a loud thunking sound against the wooden floor of his room each time he used it to walk forward. Inej slowly followed him, keeping her distance.

"You're earlier then I expected" Kaz remarked, setting the cane aside and pulling off his jacket. "Have you been to see Jesper and Wylan?" Inej hovered by the side of the bed.

"The Saints were gracious enough to grant us decent weather, and no I haven't yet" she replied, feeling a little awkward. Inej didn't understand where it was coming from. She had never felt uncomfortable around Kaz before. Their conversations had never been particularly lively but they used to have an easy unspoken rhythm they had fallen into, usually sitting next to each other in silence, Inej perched on the windowsill of his old office while he worked. 

Inej supposed it was just a side effect of not seeing each other for almost a year. Also Kaz looked exhausted. 

Inej sat down beside him warely, waiting to see if he would panic. He just stared at her silently. "So why did you come?" Kaz asked her. Inej looked into his coffee brown eyes. She could have sworn she saw a flicker of vulnerability in them.

Inej paused for a moment, wondering if she should tell him. Would Kaz make fun of her? Maybe. But Inej had a gut feeling that the same Kaz who had listened to her talk about her experiences at The Menagerie, wouldn't mock her for talking about her feelings. 

She smiled slightly, staring at Kaz's split lip. Inej was fairly certain that there was no inch of his skin that wasn't covered in bruises and cuts. She wanted to touch him. She wanted to reach over and run her fingers through his hair, hold his face in her hands. She wanted to press her lips to every single cut and bruise as softly as she could. 

"I missed you Kaz" she admitted. "That's why I'm here." He looked surprised for a moment. Then his expression softened. He slowly inched closer to Inej, breathing heavily. Inej began to freeze up slightly. Kaz stopped just short of their noses touching, then slumped forward pressing his forehead against hers.

"I missed you too Wraith" Kaz whispered. 

Inej let out a sharp exhale, part shock and part relief. There was still the familiar feeling of panic over touching someone else. She could tell Kaz was feeling it too, but he was nuzzling into her further. Inej fought the urge to cry. Kaz's touch wasn't something she could experience frequently. But still, it was something she always cherished. 

Kaz pulled away, breathing heavily and steeling his expression. "I need to sleep Inej" he said coldly. " Kaz removed his boots and lay back against his bed, using his hands to pull his bad leg up onto the bed. 

Inej attempted to hide her disappointment. "Of course." She stood up. "I'll go visit Jesper and Wylan. Hopefully they're still awake. Good night Kaz." Inej paused for a moment and then reluctantly made her way back towards the window. 

"Wait Inej!" Kaz called from behind her. Inej turned around slowly, keeping her expression neutral. Kaz appeared to be feigning indifference but she knew better. Kaz was silent for a moment, and then. 

"You can stay with me. If you want." He looked almost shy, avoiding her gaze. Inej couldn't help but smile. Kaz scowled at her.

"Well then don't just stand there gawking like an idiot. Are you in or out wraith?" He snapped. 

Classic Kaz. Always a charmer. 

"Without armour Kaz Brekker" she replied sharply, making her way back towards the bed. Kaz said nothing. Inej never usually expected an apology from Kaz. But when she climbed onto the bed, Kaz sat up and reached towards her, helping her out of her coat. He was careful not to touch her bare skin. 

Kaz slowly reached up to brush the hair from her face, pausing to ask if it was ok. Inej nodded silently. Kaz untied her long braid while running his fingers through her hair Inej yawned, closing her eyes at the pleasant sensation. A pleasant silence had fallen over them both. They had always been much better at expressing themselves through actions rather then words. 

Inej pulled off her boots and climbed under the covers. There was still distance between their bodies seeing as neither of them were quite ready to sleep with their limbs tangled together. Kaz was staring at her through half kidded eyes. Inej waited a moment, then slowly began to inch her hand towards his.

Kaz didn't move at first, but after a deep breath he slowly inched his fingers across the mattress to meet Inej in the middle. Inej watched in fascination as their fingers intertwined with each other. She remembered to keep her breathing steady and deep as she focused on grounding herself. Kaz appeared to be doing the same. 

The two of them lay in silence, staring at their clasped hands. Inej felt her fatigue begin to over take her as her eyelids grew heavy.

"Good night Kaz" she whispered, closing her eyes. Kaz didn't respond for a moment and then, in a shakey, breathless voice she heard, "don't let go." 

Inej clung to him even tighter. "I won't Kaz" she vowed. 

And she never did.


End file.
